Even when I believe I have everything under control, sometimes things get out of hand.
And sometimes, that thing ends up being me.
I suppose I can safely assume that I am the one human being that knows every thought, idea or dream I've ever had, told or shared.
And truth to be told, I am proud of myself.
I have endured hard moments in my life, I have cried because of little stupid things.
I have endured being hurt and I have sometimes avoided making someone else hurt because of me. Sometimes.
When it comes down to it, it's not about pride or self satisfaction.
It's not about being number one or having the most attention.
It's about how you have enjoyed every little thing.
Even an argument can become something fun if you take it lightly and allow the words to flow.
Now, I am not a fan of argument, but I must admit that there's a little thrill hidden between the words that make the experience appealing.
Who wins in the end?
It's not about winning or losing. It's not about right or wrong.
I might have been hard on myself one time too many, but in the end I was forgiven by the hardest person who could ever do so.
I have endured being used and manipulated, but in the end it all comes down to letting go and realizing that that kind of people are just plain sad and have nothing better to do with their lives.
When it comes down to it and I think about the persons that have caused me to break apart or to feel bad, one way or another I can't help but feel a little bit sorry for them.
If they can judge and hate that way other people, I can't even dare imagine how they might treat themselves.
Sometimes we have to be a little bit nicer to ourselves.
At least that is the great conclusion that has been drawn from all of this drama and pain I am going through.
I might not be the person with the right answer. I might be a little lonely at times and I have a crazy imagination that not a lot of people care to understand.
But that's perfectly fine, because I am happy to be me.
I am happy to find myself facing the hard moments that have presented themselves in my day to day life.
I am thankful for the wonderful opportunities of letting go.
I am glad that I got the bad grades I did and the sleepless nights due to reading under the covers I enjoyed.
In the end, even the worst experience that might pretend to be a broken piece of stone can hide a beautiful diamond in it's center.
And I have decided that despite the crappy sides of me, I am a diamond formed by tiny adventures, dreams and hopes.
People might throw me away, pretend I am not valuable and even attempt to hurt me.
But I know better.
I know who I am and I'm ready to go back home.
So... I'm home now.